default mode: my feet again
When I was a youngster, I twisted my ankle often. We spent hours running in the open backyards of our suburban neighborhood, and uneven grass could trip me up. After years of these occurrences, my ankle developed a weakness. I can twist my ankle walking on an uneven sidewalk (particularly if I’m texting and walking, which I try not to do.) This photo shows one of the worst events from a tennis mishap on March 7, 2015. Not all of them look that bad. But a twisted ankle seems to be one of my default modes.
We all have physical default modes. When some people get a cold or are afflicted with allergies, it immediately triggers a sinus infection, for others it goes straight to the lungs in bronchitis.
And we all have emotional and mental defaults modes as well. We might be glass-half-full or glass-half-empty, fight or flight, passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive. There are times when each of these reactions to life is totally appropriate. But none of them is appropriate in every situation. When someone dies, a wise-cracker or a sunny optimist is not very comforting. But we all know those perpetual Eeyores, who can’t find the bright side of any situation. Because it is their default mode, they tend to drift toward pessimism whether they want to or not.
Over the years I’ve done some things that have improved my ankle strength and protected it from further harm. I’ve learned lots of exercises, and wear ankle braces when I play tennis, as a precaution.. But what to do about my dispositional default modes?
One of the things that helps is ruthless but non-traumatic self-examination. It’s hard to do that alone. It is very difficult to be objective about ourselves. A spouse, partner or child is often helpful in showing us where we have flagrant tendencies to react to situations in the same way. Sometimes they can do this with nothing more than an eye-roll. But the best is a good friend, who will be honest and kind at the same time. We all need someone to call us on our stuff. Someone who will love us through it and help us find alternative ways to deal. Do you welcome that, or do you get defensive? Who has a hunting license in your life?
Whatever your default mode is, I pray that you will have courage to confront it. As the famous TV detective Adrian Monk says, “It’s a blessing…and a curse.” Default modes get us out of a lot of jams. But sometimes they get us out of jams that they got us into in the first place. How much better to be wise enough to find an alternative route to begin with.
Love, Liz
