envy's eye

 “O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on."         
                                        From “Othello” by William Shakespeare

When my first son was stillborn, I went through a very envious season.  In my grief, I simply could not rejoice with other new mothers.  I felt that I had done everything right and lost all.  Others were receiving children they didn’t even want.  How was that fair?

I also experienced envy when my second son was a youngster, struggling with school because of dyslexia.  I always joked that Court was the boulder I pushed up hill, scholastically.  It took so long for him to find a way to compensate for his visual processing difficulties with the wonderful compensating gifts of his intelligent mind and his auditory capabilities.  And because it was so hard, he would be tempted to take the easy way of risk avoidance.  He has told me since then that he was lazy, a word I never used in his presence, though I’m sure I thought it more than once. 

As it turns out he wasn’t lazy at all.  If the stakes were high in something he loved, like hockey or coding, he would work constantly to improve or learn more.  It’s why today he has risen to be a vice president in his company.  But at the time I would look with envy at my friends with sons who sailed through school.  I now realize how silly and short-sighted my envy was.  I have wonderful children who love the Lord and have their own wonderful children too.  

Tim Keller writes, “Envy stems from two preoccupations:  our hearts refuse to remember grace…think only of what we have earned… AND we are preoccupied with the present…”   

In reality all of life is gift.  With only finite sight, envy’s eye can’t see the whole picture.  We are never stuck with today, whether today is disappointing, or even wonderful!  God has more in store for us than we can ask or imagine.  Secure in that knowledge, who on earth should I envy?!

Love, Liz

photo by Meredith Barnes