missional marriage
Yesterday was our 47th wedding anniversary. One thing that has enabled us to survive the “better and the worse” is that David and I have a “missional marriage”. What do I mean by that? During our earlier years together, we were literally missionaries. We raised support or lived on freewill offerings to do distinctly Christian dramatic ministry, some evangelical, some culture-influencing. It is easy to see these activities as our “mission”. But looking back over the span of our marriage, I think we’ve approached every season in our lives as a mission. For instance, David’s first job included running the auditorium and the drama program at Greenwood Community High School. We’d moved to Indianapolis originally because I had received an internship in public relations at the Indiana Repertory Theatre. His job opportunity came after. But every day after I left work, I would drive down to the high school and help with sets and costumes. We joked that when they hired Dave at Greenwood, they got two for the price of one, because we saw ourselves as a team.
Once we started having children, I viewed my children as my primary mission field. David might have been working more than I was outside the home, but he was a very hands-on dad. And I was available to act in plays that he directed or wrote. But when Dave began his career as a Hollywood writer/producer, it was the first time he’d had a job where I couldn’t be involved. It required long hours and was high pressured enough that initially I didn’t even like to call him at work. He assured me that he wanted me to feel free to interrupt him anytime; if the timing was bad, he would call me as soon as he could. This opening helped me to stay invested in his creative challenges and allowed us to pray for each other throughout the day. We also became more active with our local church. For every ministry that we were involved in separately, it became a priority for the other to be “on call” to help, encourage, babysit, pray or strategize.
This seems to have happened naturally for us. Trained in the theatre we were both quite collaborative. Not all married couples can do this without being intentional. So, here are some questions to consider for any relationship you find yourself in:
- What would you say your mission is with your friend, partner, spouse?
- Do you feel like you are in agreement?
- Is it overweighted toward one person’s needs, and if so, can you envision a time where it might shift the other way or become more even?
- What do you do if you feel that there are competing or contradictory missions?
- Do you need to sit down and be intentional about stating what your couple’s goals are?
- Do you genuinely feel invested and take joy in the other’s achievements?
At this moment I’m thinking of Priscilla and Aquila from the New Testament. They’re mentioned only six times in the Bible, as a couple, never individually. They traveled with Paul on his missionary journeys, co-laboring as tent-makers. When they heard a man named Apollos preaching in the synagogue of Ephesus, they pulled him aside and “explained the way of God even more accurately” to him. (Acts 18:26). Aquila’s name is mentioned first only two times. Mentioned first four times, Priscilla may have been the more prominent teacher. We’ll never know for sure, because they functioned as a team. They are an inspiration for missional marriage.
Love, Liz
Photo from our 25th wedding anniversary with a wedding photo in the background.
