pulling together
“You make your path by
walking it--reading
a virgin track for others
to follow--through meadow,
up hill, into friendship....
Maybe
through your feet
you'll begin to feel
the pulse of the world."
Excerpted from a poem by Luci Shaw
I’ve lived my life in a series of concentric circles. In the center is my relationship with my husband and my children. But that nucleus is surrounded by a circle of extended family as well. Last weekend was our annual “Cousins weekend”, a gathering of six that emphasizes that we are more like sisters. We processed together all the moment-by-moment developments of the Covid 19 pandemic and played games that helped anxious hours go by. We were so grateful for the timing of our gathering…a week later and all would have been cancelled. Then I put them each on a plane to far-flung homes with masks and gloves and no certain idea how we will get together again.
Another of my concentric circles is that of deeply committed friends met through the larger circles of church congregations. It is in the church where I have found covenantal relationships that supply me with accountability and encourage vulnerability and commitment. One such group of friends has been meeting at the local Panera once a week. We call ourselves the “Panera Panel”. At one time we all went to the same church, but now we find ourselves in four different congregations. Still, not wanting to lose the deep connection we had established over years of worship we have made a commitment to go on meeting whenever we are in town. Sometimes we simply catch up on what is happening in our lives, our children’s and grandchildren’s accomplishments. But we also have made a practice of finding a book to read together, or we bring our sample ballots and go over the propositions, sounding each other out on what we think are their strengths and weaknesses. We aren’t alike in our political perspectives, but we’re pretty good at finding consensus. Maybe we should go to Washington!
A few weeks ago, I saw that a photographic exhibit about immigration was being shown at a local museum. Our Panera Panel expanded to include a few other women who had expressed interest in the exhibit and we went together, sharing a beverage afterward to process what we felt. It was wonderful to be in the company of such thoughtful and committed friends. The panel’s meetings will be curtailed for a while, but I know they are nearby if I need anything.
When David and I were young and starting our family, we lived in San Diego and were part of a parachurch ministry. We were hungry for community and found it in this group of artists and in the local church, with other young families. We were dependent on each other for encouragement, shared resources and even childcare. As Dave and I have gotten older, we’ve become more self-sufficient and autonomous…more private. We’ve allowed our introverted natures to nudge us into a more individualistic approach to life. That’s not good. At this moment in time, we realize how much we need the human touch, accountability to a community, we need to keep looking outward.
Before the isolation brought about by this pandemic, author David Brooks wrote of a cultural trend. He wrote: “Hyper-individualism, the reigning ethos of our day, is a system of morals, feelings, ideas, and practices based on the idea that the journey through life is an individual journey…it is a system built on…self-interested drives—the desire to excel…to rise in wealth, power, and status….We need to articulate a creed that puts relation, not the individual, at the center, and which articulates…the truths we all know: that we are formed by relationship, we are nourished by relationship, and we long for relationship. Life is not a solitary journey. It is building a home together. It is a process of being formed by attachments and then forming attachments in turn. It is a great chain of generations passing down gifts to one another.”
This week we’ve all found ourselves increasingly isolated from one another as Covid 19 forces us to “socially distance” ourselves from our schools, workplaces and our recreational pursuits. It has reminded us that we are tempted by an “every man for himself” approach to crisis, hoarding resources. My prayer is that we will rediscover a need for interdependence and deeper friendships in the context of community and that we can pull together in such a way that light shines on and in and through us.
In this time when we may be physically separated we should take these words from Andy Crouch to heart: “We need to redirect social energy from anxiety and panic to love and preparation. This crisis presents an extraordinary opportunity to fortify small communities of love and care for our neighbors. That will only happen if we lead in a way that reduces fear, increases faith, and reorients all of us from self-protection to serving others.”
If you are feeling lonely, reframe this time of separation as something we are doing FOR each other. Find virtual ways to reach out….remember the good old telephone?
Love, Liz
Pandemic by Lynn Ungar
What if you thought of it
as the Jews consider the Sabbath—
the most sacred of times?
Cease from travel.
Cease from buying and selling.
Give up, just for now,
on trying to make the world
different than it is.
Sing. Pray. Touch only those
to whom you commit your life.
Center down.
And when your body has become still,
reach out with your heart.
Know that we are connected
in ways that are terrifying and beautiful.
(You could hardly deny it now.)
Know that our lives
are in one another’s hands.
(Surely, that has come clear.)
Do not reach out your hands.
Reach out your heart.
Reach out your words.
Reach out all the tendrils
of compassion that move, invisibly,
where we cannot touch.
Promise this world your love–
for better or for worse,
in sickness and in health,
so long as we all shall live.
Photo by Jan Wagner
