rules of engagement
At the Orange County Highland Games in 1994, our eight-year old son participated in a Pillow Fight. Straddling a caber, he is here seen receiving the rules of engagement for the competition. He needed to cling to the pole and apply some calm strategies to defeat his opponent, which he did, bringing home a gold medal.
In the skirmishes of life it is useful to have a strategy, to know the rules of engagement that you will employ to approach a problem. During a time such as this, one can easily feel overwhelmed and afraid. The swirling agendas and rapid changes that we face daily require much more finesse than a pillow fight, and the strategies that we fashion for ourselves require the wisdom of much smarter and abler minds than mine.
Author Charles D. Drew says that when faced with turbulent times, people of faith should not panic: “Consider the damage that panic can bring… panic impairs judgement…demanding easy and quick solutions to our nation’s problems, when in fact there are no such solutions. Panic breeds impatience not only with political process but also with people… browbeating… polarization….Panic can be used to justify falsehood.”
It’s one thing to say, “Don’t panic”, but quite another to have a positive approach to engage with the issues of our day. So here are my six steps. If these work for you, great. If not, maybe you can come up with some of your own:
- Remember, nothing that is happening now has not happened before. The word “unprecedented” gets bandied about quite a bit these days. But there have been plagues and pandemics and social unrest in other eras. I lived through the racial tensions of the 1960’s with tragic assassinations thrown in. I am NOT saying that this too shall pass. But I AM saying that this is a moment and movement that are continuations of things begun long ago. We lived and learned through previous events. This is another opportunity for us to imagine MORE reconciliation, not less.
- We may lose something during this time, but that may be to our gain. Human beings rarely learn a great deal in times when they’re comfortable. When we experience sacrifice, willingly or unwillingly, we are ripe for growth. We are asked to die to ourselves and our needs, if that benefits others. No pain, no gain.
- Admit what I do not know. Don’t be threatened if I don’t have the answer to tough questions. Don’t get defensive. Defensiveness begs the question, “What are you defending so vehemently?”
- There are voices that I can trust. For me, pastor and writer Timothy Keller has always been one of those voices, and I am finding others, including the ones in my own congregation…my pastors and those with whom I do life. I need to listen to them. Read them.
- If a voice or a writer is simply adding to my fear and anxiety, STOP listening or reading. Turn those voices off for now. Challenge is good. Fear is bad. (Yes, this probably means cutting back on social media!)
- Immerse myself in the story of God’s love. “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end.” Hold onto that. In fact, spend time holding the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other. Remember that Jesus has already DIED and RISEN to bring reconciliation to a broken world. And over two millennia since that event humans are still trying to figure out how to extend that reconciliation to one another. Pray for what God wants to do through us and through our communities.
After all these steps (and I may have to go through some or all of them over and over again!), then, and only then, will I be able to see what part I might play in healing a broken world. But if I jump a step, I am courting panic again, because “panic breeds impatience”…and vice versa.
Love, Liz
“Acclaimed writer Anne Lamott keeps a 1-inch picture frame on the desk where she writes. Whenever she struggles getting started writing, she looks at that 1-inch picture frame, ‘And it reminds me that all I have to do is to write down as much as I can see through a 1-inch picture frame’….Think of a ‘1-inch’ action to get us going. It can be increasing your awareness of an issue, building a relationship or committing to reforming a policy or practice. If we keep going, then the 1-inch actions we take to fight racism can paint a beautiful portrait of justice and equity.” Jemar Tisby, Religion News Service
For my first 1-inch action, I am informing myself about racial inequality and how to navigate in a world of differences. These days Americans lack agreement about so much…the nature of common good and the meaning of human flourishing. How can I, as a Christian, interact with the culture in a way that shows respect to those whose beliefs and experience are so vastly different from mine? I want to grow in the intricacies of the gospel imperative to love God and love my neighbor as myself. But who is my neighbor in these turbulent days? And how can I best love him or her?
Currently I am reading two books that are giving me much needed perspective: “White Fragility” by Robin DiAngelo and “Uncommon Ground” by Timothy Keller and John Inazu. Here are some quotes that challenge me:
“The racial status quo is comfortable for white people, and we will not move forward in race relations if we remain comfortable. The key to moving forward is what we do with our discomfort. We can use it as a door out—blame the messenger and disregard the message. Or we can us it as a door in by asking, ‘Why does this unsettle me?...Is it possible that because I am white, there are some racial dynamics that I can’t see? Am I willing to consider that possibility?’” Robin DiAngelo
“Our engagement with the world will lead us into unfamiliar relationships and risky spaces. There can and will be costs. But we look to Jesus, who engaged the world, not just at the possible risk of his comfort but at the sure and certain cost of his life.” John Inuzu and Timothy Keller
“Our sin introduced separation and exclusion. God is committed to undoing the effects of sin that keep us separated from one another.” Marc Choi
“Many who are first will be last, and the last first.” Jesus Christ
